My mother, in her infinite wisdom, has always said to me, “You have to tell a man what you need, honey, or you’re never gonna get it.” This nugget of relationship advice has been confirmed countless times by my father, who nods from the chair in front of his computer desk. “It’s true, honey,” he says. “We’re clueless.” But, as a teenager and a young woman in my early twenties, I habitually eschewed my mother’s advice in favor of my own intuitions. Consequently, I found myself embroiled in countless unfulfilling relationships wherein my male counterpart had absolutely no idea how to please me. That, or he just plain didn’t care to try.

Later, I decided to give my mom’s advice a whirl. After all, My Way hadn’t exactly been earmarked with satisfaction and success. I started telling my then-boyfriend (now husband) What I Wanted. It turned out to be a refreshing and uncomplicated modus operandi; most of the waiting-around-for-him-to-figure-it-out frustrations which had characterized my previous relationships were eliminated. But despite the apparent advantages of this new method of “relating”, there is a part of me (probably the die-hard, romantic-on-steroids part) that bridles at the principle of the new arrangement. Yes, my needs are made clear(er) to my partner, and he is able to meet them more often than previous partners because at the very least, they are out in the open. Nonetheless, I sometimes hear this tiny little voice in my head. The voice doesn’t really say anything, it just sighs. (more…)